Ten Big Lessons from Life

As part of her graduation gift to each of us seniors in the spring of 2006, my english teacher Mrs. Dunn handed us a booklet containing 10 lessons she has learned during her life that she wished to share with us. Almost anyone who graduated with me or even a year before me can tell you that she was their favorite teacher. She was definitely mine. She has a wonderful way of teaching that draws you in and makes you think and formulate your own ideas, not just copy down every word said so you can spit it back out later. Nothing ever gets past her, and if you were in my class, you know what I mean. I am glad to say that I have stayed in touch with this awesome woman of God, and I pray God keeps us in touch in years to come. Here are her lessons.

1. What you give is what you get. Eastern religions call this karma, but it is also a very biblical concept. The Lord says that whatever measuring stick we use with other people will be used on us by others. And He also says that we should treat other people the way we want to be treated. If you hope to have mercy when you are in the wrong, then you better be merciful when you are the one in power. This rule has all kinds of extensions. For example, this rule would encourage us to treat old people with respect--because one of these days when we are old, we will want to be regarded civilly by the young.
2. Don't make up rules and not tell the other players. Don't expect certain responses from those close to you without letting them know that such a response matters. Designing those little "tests" of whether "he/she really loves me" based on expected outcomes that are not communicated to the prospective sweetie--that stinks. You will be wounded for no reason and may cut off a relationship that might have been wonderful, all for a silly, silent rule. Remember the Duke of Ferrarra in Browning's "My Last Duchess"? Her happy demeanor annoyed him, but he chose not to tell her about his displeasure because that would be "stooping," and he was a man who chose "never to stoop," to humble himself. If it's a big deal to you, let the other person know.
3. Realize that no one is perfect--even you. Learning that you are fallible and human is a great relief. You are not expected to solve the whole world's problems. You're not even expected to solve all of your own problems alone. You will make mistakes, no matter how hard you try. But God is very forgiving, and He is interested in the direction of our life's travel, not each and every foolish detour we may take. And once you know you're human, you can be more tolerant of the rest of us mortals.
4. Don't waste your time in worry. Live in the now. Obsessing over the what-ifs of life can give you ulcers. The Bible tells us that we cannot add anything to our height by worrying, and every day has enough problems to keep us busy without having to take on tomorrow's tasks. There is a difference between planning or preparing and worrying. Worrying is fretting about things you cannot possible control--like other people.
5. The most important things cannot be bought. George Carlin's famous line is "Home is where you keep your stuff while you go out and buy more stuff." But most of that stuff does not bring us the greatest joy. That comes from our relationships with other people, from our musings in the midst of the beauty of nature, from the songs of birds on the electric lines outside our houses, from the 100% free sunset. If you list the facets of your life with which you are unwilling to part, you will find they are not things; a mother's love and a brother's loyalty are priceless.
6. Marry for life. Don't cut and run at the first sign of trouble in your marriage. You are not going to be starry-eyed in love with this person 24/7 the rest of your life. It doesn't go away forever, but it isn't a constant condition. If you find the romance beginning to ebb, do something about it. And remember that sometimes this person is going to gross you out or make you really mad. That doesn't mean you have quit loving. Kids will come along and take a lot of your time. Don't expect to feel like a giddy school kid in love your whole life. When people marry, they promise for life. Keep your promise.
7. Raise your own children. If someone else keeps your baby all day long, that person shapes your child's personality and outlook on life. To whom are you willing to trust that precious soul? People are often more concerned about the qualifications of the kennel in which they leave a dog than the credentials of the child care they use. Why not do that job yourself? They are little kids for such a brief time, and then they are in school and gone all day. By the time he or she is five, the personality is set. For better or worse, my kids were raised by me, not by some nineteen-year-old with no goals and no particular, one-of-a-kind affection for my precious baby. You can buy new carpet later. Drive the kid around in a ratty old car. He/she won't remember how nice that new stuff was. What the child remembers is Mommy cracked open a coconut on the patio with me today. Mommy watched me splash in a $9.99 plastic pool in our back yard. Mommy was there when I woke up from my nap.
8. Keep the friendship of someone who knew you when you were young. One of these days it will be nice to talk about old times with someone who was there. You will lose your youthful bloom, but someone will always remember how beautiful you were back then. I have known my best female friend for over 45 years. I remember when she had to give up the trumpet and come play drums in band with me because she got braces. I taught her how to play the snare drum--and then when we got in high school, she beat me at All-District band! We have double-dated with many different guys, and can laugh about all kinds of stupid stuff we did at ages 10 and 17 and 21. We still call each other by our kid nickname (we are both "Skipper"), and so if anyone calls and says, "Skipper, it's me," I know exactly who the lady on the phone is. In each other's eyes, neither of us is an old lady. We remember each other as kids.
9. Be careful what you read, see and think. The mind catches everything. As the creature says in Frankenstein, knowledge is like lichens on a rock. It clings, and sometimes it is unworthy knowledge. The Bible tells us to think on the things that are true and lovely and spoken well of. Don't fill your mind with garbage. Some books and movies have nothing to offer. This doesn't mean we shouldn't read or see things that can pique thought or unsettle our complacency. Without those things, we grow satisfied with the status quo. But remember that the author is manipulating reality; it is his or her version of how things are. Maybe he's full of baloney or something worse.
10. Establish a strong relationship with God. The Force is real. The Bible says He is a spirit, the spirit of love. Get to know Him through reading the Bible, and you'll find Him to be "a very present help in time of need." How other people manage without Him, I cannot understand. I just know I would be a total disaster without God. He is daily manifested in the good people around me.

Well...I don't think this needs any elaboration. Take what you can from this. I know that just by being who she is, Mrs. Dunn has helped to shape the man that I am becoming. I pray that something caught your attention, and that it either changes your life or helps you grow into a better person. Mrs. Dunn, if you ever read this, thank you for all you did in the 2 years we were in each other's company. I thank you for your lessons and your friendship. Ultimately I thank God for placing such a ray of light in the abyss we all know as high school! As a side note, don't judge if I have made grammatical errors, it's too early in the morning to be perfect! : )